Last call

            I hate listening to people’s telephone conversations. I get so angry about it. I don’t want to know the one-sided details of someone’s life. The passenger in the seat next to me was never going to be a buddy for life but he has definitely damned himself, with this loud pointless conversation, to remain in the list of people I will never like.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those grouchy middle-aged suit-types you see on planes who doesn‘t smile at anyone. I like talking to people and I take so many of these internal flights that I’ve met plenty of folks that I’ve kept in contact with; one even remains a golf buddy of mine. I am, or at least I hope I am, a pretty personal guy face to face.

However, I think that hearing other people’s phone calls is the single most infuriating thing in the gamut of human experience. I could be listening to Letterman talking to God about the meaning of life and I would still get annoyed, if he happened to be on his cell next to me. Continue Reading.

Suck 

I hate blowjobs. OK maybe I don’t hate them, I just don’t love them as much as every other guy seems to. I just don’t go in for this idea that just because you’ve got your old chap in someone’s mouth that it is inherently brilliant. Besides some girls just aren’t that great at doing it. Continue reading.

Alarmed

He dreams. We are walking along a dusky beach, he and her. There may be other people but they are of no concern to the couple that walk. She was angry at him earlier but she has looped her arm around him now and she beams up at him. They trip and roll on the sand or is it grass? Perhaps they’re in a garden. They’re late for something but can’t remember what. Neither care now, they’re so involved in each other that they’ve forgotten each other. Read more.

Orgasman 

I’ve never been a fan of comic books myself, but everyone seems to be creaming themselves over superheroes and vigilantes these days. I’ve always thought they were just boring people’s sad fantasies. I guess my dislike for these nerdy cartoons was what prevented me from realising that I technically have a superpower. But my friend Tony tells me that’s what I have. I wasn’t bitten by anything irradiated or zapped by cosmic rays or any such bullshit. Having said that, my story is pretty ridiculous. Read more

Zombies

This is a bad dream. Just like all the worst nightmares it is essentially a good dream turned sour. Every girl I have ever so much as kissed is here. All the tangs I’ve tasted, all the breasts I’ve squeezed and all the hands I’ve held are with me now. Read more.