Will Conway

New Story – Last Call – Illustrated by Chris Culligan


Last call

            I hate listening to people’s telephone conversations. I get so angry about it. I don’t want to know the one-sided details of someone’s life. The passenger in the seat next to me was never going to be a buddy for life but he has definitely damned himself, with this loud pointless conversation, to remain in the list of people I will never like.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those grouchy middle-aged suit-types you see on planes who doesn‘t smile at anyone. I like talking to people and I take so many of these internal flights that I’ve met plenty of folks that I’ve kept in contact with; one even remains a golf buddy of mine. I am, or at least I hope I am, a pretty personal guy face to face.

However, I think that hearing other people’s phone calls is the single most infuriating thing in the gamut of human experience. I could be listening to Letterman talking to God about the meaning of life and I would still get annoyed, if he happened to be on his cell next to me. Continue Reading.


Article for CALMzone

My rambling about Eminem’s nonsensical lyrics has been published on the CALMzone site. Have a read here if you like.

CALMzone are great, they support vulnerable men under 35 (who are at the greatest risk statistically of suicide) and generally challenge what it is to be a man. Helping to move people away from outdated stereotypes of masculinity and encouraging people to be themselves and enjoy it rather than worrying about what people think, they also provide a forum for honesty and creativity. (I’ve written for them before – here.) 

Have flick through their site when you have a moment. Good stuff.

New Story – Suck – Illustrated by Neil James Earl



I hate blowjobs. OK maybe I don’t hate them, I just don’t love them as much as every other guy seems to. I just don’t go in for this idea that just because you’ve got your old chap in someone’s mouth that it is inherently brilliant. Besides some girls just aren’t that great at doing it. Continue reading.



New Story – Alarmed – Illustrated by Kaitlin Beckett


He dreams. We are walking along a dusky beach, he and her. There may be other people but they are of no concern to the couple that walk. She was angry at him earlier but she has looped her arm around him now and she beams up at him. They trip and roll on the sand or is it grass? Perhaps they’re in a garden. They’re late for something but can’t remember what. Neither care now, they’re so involved in each other that they’ve forgotten each other. Read more.

New Story – Orgasman – Illustrated by Sylvia Maria Saunders


I’ve never been a fan of comic books myself, but everyone seems to be creaming themselves over superheroes and vigilantes these days. I’ve always thought they were just boring people’s sad fantasies. I guess my dislike for these nerdy cartoons was what prevented me from realising that I technically have a superpower. But my friend Tony tells me that’s what I have. I wasn’t bitten by anything irradiated or zapped by cosmic rays or any such bullshit. Having said that, my story is pretty ridiculous. Read more

Inczine at Leefest

Well, a glorious time was had at Leefest with inczine a couple of weekends ago with the likes of Raymond Antrobus, Mr Gee, Dean Atta, Glor Sanders and Angry Sam. If you were there you might have picked up a copy of the Leefest edition of inczine, illustrated by Diego Mallo and Lorna Scobie. Here’s my poem from the inczine special that you cannot buy for love nor money. Thank you to Lorna Scobie for the birdies.























If you want to buy copies of the previous issues in which I feature you can get them for love or money (just money I think) here.

New Story – Zombies – with artwork by Luke Waller


This is a bad dream. Just like all the worst nightmares it is essentially a good dream turned sour. Every girl I have ever so much as kissed is here. All the tangs I’ve tasted, all the breasts I’ve squeezed and all the hands I’ve held are with me now. Read more.


Publish and be Damned – video



A while back I wrote a poem especially for Nick from Annexe magazine to make into a tape cassette for his exhibition Sites of Alternative Publishing. Mine and a few others including Anya Pearson from inczine were displayed in 5 years gallery in Hackney. I didn’t realise at the time but someone made a video of my poem.

You can read the poem in the video here.

New Story – Monkey’s Uncle – Illustrated by Natalie Oleksy-Piekarski

Monkey’s Uncle


Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. I used to hate that phrase. What does it even mean? You want a monkey to shag and impregnate your sister? It doesn’t make any sense. I heard somewhere it’s something an evolution sceptic said. I’m sure it’s probably apocryphal. Read more.

New Story – The Rock – Illustrated by Kristian Andrews


The Rock

A largish hom led the other homs behind him into the dark cave holding his spear loosely. They all stopped and he indicated over to where the shape was. There were cries and hoots and the closest homs slapped the spear-holder heartily.

Then the tallest of the homs made a move a bit too close towards the rock as if he meant to touch it and the spear-carrier jerked him back. He barked at him shaking his hand from his shoulder and the spear from his other hand. Loud noises were made and teeth were bared. The tall hom swung at the rock-presenter, and grappled him, the pair stumbling towards the group. As they bashed into the other homs the hom and a bystander were knocked to the ground as the group split and they all began to bark irritably. The two that had been toppled clambered up, one scurrying to the side while the other let out a roar and flailed his heavy hairy arms. He displayed ferociously until the other started to back away out of the cave. He began to chase his rival and the rest followed him. Read more.