Will Conway

New story – Transport – Illustrated by Sylvia Maria Saunders

Transport

I had to take the bus to work yesterday because it was raining. April showers, really heavy. That was money I had to spend updating my travel card. This is the sort of erratic spring weather we moan about in this country. Under a gloopy downpour like this there isn’t a chance in hell I’m going to fly to work.

I considered an umbrella but I think it would be more trouble than it’s worth. They’re designed for going over the heads of slow-moving, vertical people with their feet on the ground. I don’t even want to imagine how hard it would be trying to fly, having to wrangle some flimsy, plastic thing about in this wind and rain. The truth is I’m really not very good at flying. Continue reading.

Two Tales for Annexe Magazine

The other day my good man Mr Nick Murray and I found the secret unofficial recording booth in the British Library and recorded my dulcet tones reading one of my stories and a story that inspired me. I chose a new story Transport and How the Cat Became by Ted Hughes from the How the Whale Became collection my Mum bought me all those years ago.

You can listen to the two stories on Annexe Magazine here.

I’ll be posting the text (and illustration by Sylvia Maria Saunders) for Transport as the next installment of Eat My Shorts.

New Story – c2cbs – Illustrated by Ben Earle

c2cbs

 

If you entered ‘c2cbs’ into a search engine – considering that it isn’t a name or a word found in any dictionary – you might be surprised at the high number of ‘Items found’ on your page. The first site to host it received a fair few hits but it was nothing next to the total number of searches that GoOgle have counted for ‘c2cbs’ to date.

It was an internet phenomenon like nothing that had come before it. Imagine A-list celebrity sex tape meets Taliban beheading in terms of hype and spin and you aren’t far off with the actual content either. Eventually everybody in the western world, whoever they were, wanted to watch it, and if not, at least they wanted to know what it was.

Friends fell out in discussions about it. Office workers with internet connections found their access restricted and employers’ trust lower than usual. People lost their jobs for downloading it at work, some were even shown the door for admitting that they knew about it. IT departments across the globe were the kings of the office, while at the same time under more scrutiny than ever. The big question bubbling up in the water cooler and floating through the air conditioning was what is c2cbs? Continue reading?

New Story – Carnal – Illustrated by Diego Mallo

Carnal

He bites her neck. She lets out a half squeal and writhes against him, her hands on his shoulders. They don’t speak but they are communicating on some basic animal level. The couple entwine on the floor of a kitchen in an abandoned hotel.

The small town became infected as quickly as any other. Survivors were like rats from a sinking ship and many people were bitten and turned after their loved ones or abandoned them. A few people were holed up in hotel for a while but their fortress was breached inevitably and one by one they ran. Some made it to another temporary safety. Inside, one by one, the ones that stayed attacked each other. Continue Reading.

 

New Story – Porcelain – Illustrated by Jude Melling

Porcelain

            I got shat on today. It was a good day though. People have a superstition that if a bird drops one on you then it brings good luck. I must be the luckiest son of gun around, I get at least one every day. From people. It doesn’t bother me though. I am a toilet after all.

Feeling a bit bunged up, someone just wiped then went for a second dropping, so they had to wipe again. I seem to be swallowing more paper than usual these days so I’m often a little clogged. Continue Reading.

New Spider-man sketch

To celebrate 50 years of Spider-man this month here’s a little something from my comic. Click on the thumbnail or look in the ‘Sketches‘ tab for the full size image.

I never usually colour things in but thought I’d get the crayons out for a change. More sketches here and here.

I can’t believe no one has used the ventriloquist idea before – if you see anyone using it you know you saw it here first folks!

New Story – Willsmith & Nightly – Illustrated by Sam Lincoln

Willsmith and Nightly

 

Everyone needs to read this. I’ve got the newest celebrity gossip in this story. Continue Reading.

Rooms Magazine Feature

Rooms magazine did a very nice feature on Eat My Shorts last week, which you can read here.

They also hosted last week’s story; HMP illustrated by Faye Twine.

Take a look at their magazine online and in print when you want to see what’s what in the art world.


 

New Story – HMP – Illustrated by Faye Twine

HMP

 

I live in HMP B——. I spend most of my day sleeping or watching television. I watch what my cellmate wants to watch because I don’t want him to fight me again. It was a novel experience to me, his facial expression, his movements, the feelings on this body, even for days after.

I am a visitor from another planet, we don’t have a ‘name’ to speak of like Earth does. In fact we don’t call Earth by that name either. I am here for research purposes, until or unless I receive orders from my superiors, I have no violence planned. If I was to be ordered to fight however, I would not be alone. I don’t think this would be likely from what I have seen. There would be little gained by either party. I could kill this man in my room if I needed but it would not help me or my cause at the moment. Continue Reading.

New Story – Last Call – Illustrated by Chris Culligan

 

Last call

            I hate listening to people’s telephone conversations. I get so angry about it. I don’t want to know the one-sided details of someone’s life. The passenger in the seat next to me was never going to be a buddy for life but he has definitely damned himself, with this loud pointless conversation, to remain in the list of people I will never like.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those grouchy middle-aged suit-types you see on planes who doesn‘t smile at anyone. I like talking to people and I take so many of these internal flights that I’ve met plenty of folks that I’ve kept in contact with; one even remains a golf buddy of mine. I am, or at least I hope I am, a pretty personal guy face to face.

However, I think that hearing other people’s phone calls is the single most infuriating thing in the gamut of human experience. I could be listening to Letterman talking to God about the meaning of life and I would still get annoyed, if he happened to be on his cell next to me. Continue Reading.