Monthly Archives: August 2012


            I got shat on today. It was a good day though. People have a superstition that if a bird drops one on you then it brings good luck. I must be the luckiest son of gun around, I get at least one every day. From people. It doesn’t bother me though. I am a toilet after all.

Feeling a bit bunged up, someone just wiped then went for a second dropping, so they had to wipe again. I seem to be swallowing more paper than usual these days so I’m often a little clogged. Continue Reading.

To celebrate 50 years of Spider-man this month here’s a little something from my comic. Click on the thumbnail or look in the ‘Sketches‘ tab for the full size image.

I never usually colour things in but thought I’d get the crayons out for a change. More sketches here and here.

I can’t believe no one has used the ventriloquist idea before – if you see anyone using it you know you saw it here first folks!



I live in HMP B——. I spend most of my day sleeping or watching television. I watch what my cellmate wants to watch because I don’t want him to fight me again. It was a novel experience to me, his facial expression, his movements, the feelings on this body, even for days after.

I am a visitor from another planet, we don’t have a ‘name’ to speak of like Earth does. In fact we don’t call Earth by that name either. I am here for research purposes, until or unless I receive orders from my superiors, I have no violence planned. If I was to be ordered to fight however, I would not be alone. I don’t think this would be likely from what I have seen. There would be little gained by either party. I could kill this man in my room if I needed but it would not help me or my cause at the moment. Continue Reading.


Last call

            I hate listening to people’s telephone conversations. I get so angry about it. I don’t want to know the one-sided details of someone’s life. The passenger in the seat next to me was never going to be a buddy for life but he has definitely damned himself, with this loud pointless conversation, to remain in the list of people I will never like.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those grouchy middle-aged suit-types you see on planes who doesn‘t smile at anyone. I like talking to people and I take so many of these internal flights that I’ve met plenty of folks that I’ve kept in contact with; one even remains a golf buddy of mine. I am, or at least I hope I am, a pretty personal guy face to face.

However, I think that hearing other people’s phone calls is the single most infuriating thing in the gamut of human experience. I could be listening to Letterman talking to God about the meaning of life and I would still get annoyed, if he happened to be on his cell next to me. Continue Reading.


© Will Conway, 2012-2013.